Hurrying Up the Process
I just got off the phone as I write this blog entry and ponder on what I just heard and observed in the past week. Let me give you the Cliff’s Note version with a little backtracking for good measure.
My friend, who I shall name Sean, for the purpose of this blog, met somebody he liked at a social function and found that this other person liked him enough to befriend him, share bits and pieces of his own life which finally led to the highlight of the evening and that is, the opportunity to take things on a horizontal level. Yes, that kind of horizontal. They shared a meal and talked some more after and soon Sean found himself getting enamored by this new “find” and began to ardently pursue this person like there was no tomorrow. I for one was not privy to the immediate results that he yielded, or in this case, failed to manifest and harvest, as the person in question suddenly did a 180 degree on him and would reject his calls and beat around the bush by not answering his text messages promptly and when they are indeed answered, its usually the prelude to another question to follow, which in effect, overshadows the original question posted. Are you with me? Good.
As a prelude to his call tonight, Sean also forwarded his own disappointment-filled text that he sent to this fella, demanding a reason why his calls are being rejected and if he was not serious about being friends, then why go through all the trouble. Instantly I heard warning bells sound off in my head. But I was unable to respond to what I felt up until this phone call tonight.
So Sean admitted to me that in the course of their correspondences, which was now all week long, he told the lad about how much of a “challenge” and a “difficult” situation it is to "court" him, for apart from this find of a guy, is almost half his age, he’s still in school and thereby not bound or acquainted by the freedom and liberalism of working professionals like us. Immediately I aired my concern, and found that I wasn’t the only one who felt that way as Sean's other friends said the same, and told Sean that perhaps his arduous and over enthusiastic pursuit scared the boy off. Simple as that. The boy was being evasive because of what Sean said and equally the ramifications of what he said. And that’s what we result-oriented people of the corporate world at times fail to realize, that in the pursuit of the result that we want, we fail to recognize another, if the not most important component of that result, and this is the journey. The journey which is basically the road to whatever goal that we set in our minds and desperately want to reach in the blink of an eye. But it shouldn’t even be that way. There should be a conscious effort to make time for the process. A patience conditioning of sorts.
If building a bond is that easy then we would all be experts of it now at this day in our lives. But we often forget that the road to the bond is as equal, if not, even more important than what we seek to covet, to know and to scrutinize with all our values and parameter checks.
Truly the heart cannot be rushed. And if we are aware of it each and every day and in every relationship that we hope to build then perhaps we wouldn't vent out too much. We wouldn't dump our frustration on the object of our affection and scare them away. We wouldn't mope around and feel sorry for ourselves and wondering why things are not working the way we want and resign ourselves to a loveless life.
It doesn't have to be that way all the time. And because it doesn't, it means that there is a way out. The next question is, are you aware of the way out and are you "patient" enough to take it? If you are then congrats, like me in my youth, you are learning the pieces of the relationship puzzle day by day. And when you think about it, living our lives day by day, moment by moment, is the way to go. As the heart and mind, can only handle so much at a time, it also wouldn't be fair to you if the Universe overwhelms you with the brunt of the experience. And so it gives you the chance to experience it, bit by bit. And like a good dish whose taste is allowed to grow you and having come from a process of both marinating and simmer, building relationships and at the very least friendships is best taken and done one bite at a time.
So if you're ready. Bon Appetit. :)